So I had to kick Seattle guy to the kerb - the 2am phone call was not okay with me - after only 8 days of 'knowing' him it seemed somewhat inappropriate. And it saved me a trip over the border - can't say I'm too sorry about that :)
A lot has happened in the last few days - huge shifts - I went to a sound session on Friday night and met with a lady who does a blend of her own healing and Reiki healing - she is extremely powerful in that I could feel her energy when she was standing a few feet away from me.
The 'knowing' that I had to have a one on one session with this woman tugged at me all day Saturday and I was fortunate enough to go and meet with her yesterday. I truly believe that these 'healings' come to you when you are ready for them. She suggested to me that in order to stay 'present', I write - something creative that gets me into the moment - with all the worry over work and the lack thereof I had been feeling drained and useless. The most important thing to me about my time spent with her is that she empowers you - actually shows you that you can tap into this amazing healing energy for yourself and there is no need for top-ups and it's not a money making scam - her energy is pure and of Love.
I came home and I was completely buzzed - I walked in through my door and looked in awe at my beautiful home - the colours - the plants - the energy - this sacred and nurturing space that I have created for myself that takes such good care of me. Running my hands along photos of my family and friends and myself as a baby, I felt my heart was wide open to possibility and full of compassion. As she had said - recognizing the blessings - the everyday blessings.
As I rested in bed I realized and truly felt that oneness - all those things that I have strived to become, I realized I already am - or have already been - a Wife - a Mother - the two labels that had eluded me - I realized that in past lives I have been those things. I have been a man and a woman, of each culture imaginable, from all walks of life, both rich and poor; and in that knowledge, in that 'oneness' there was nothing I had to fear - as I was already each of those things - I had merely chosen to wear this beautiful face, body and expression this time around to remember whatever it was that I am here to remember.
In that moment all the fear dissolved. I don't know where we go to 'after' this ride - I do know though that wherever I am right now is exactly where my soul wants me to be.
I then traced back the blessings in my life to date - OMG - it is so easy to feel sorry for yourself and get trapped in the 'I don't haves' - now with an open heart I realized that I have had the most amazing and colourful life to date - that I have loved, and been the most important roles so far as a Grand-Daughter, Daughter, Sister, Niece, and Friend - and most recently an Auntie.
It took me back to Australia to one place - there I met one love - the 'One' that catalyzed this transformation and whose face I wish to see just one more time - Oh how awful it is to 'want' :) He is my Slovenian - and I will share the tale of how we met in my next posting - otherwise this one will go on too long :)
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