Eat Pray Love

Happy Days are here at last! :) Eat Pray Love has made its' way at long last onto Movie Central - which means that I will be watching it over and over again for the next few days - there are a number of reasons why the movie resonates with me - I, unlike some of my friends like the role that Julia Roberts plays and perhaps it's because I feel like I have grown up watching her that it is so easy to see her in something this poignant.

"Believe in love again" - for me those are the four words that mean the most and tug at my heart strings.

In conjures up so many memories - some of them good - some of them not so good.

While chatting to my dearest and oldest friend a few days ago, she was able to steer me in a direction that will lead me to look at the pinnacle moments in my life as I write. I will do my best to create some sort of order so that I am not flip flopping back and forth and confusing you.

I have been forced to take a look at them again over the last few days - the pinnacle moments I mean -  as I did all that I could to run from and sabotage the newness with the Seattle Guy - things happen for a reason - and this movie is screaming at me to 'Believe in love again'.

Talking to him day after day and the fear of 'the meet' - hour upon hour on the phone with questions and biting into my regular routine of evening time TV had me in an actual full blown panic attack two nights ago - it was horrid - I literally could not breathe - I too, like Liz in EPL had lost my balance - I was wobbling and felt like I was trapped. He was calling me way too often and his compliments were making my body recoil. He was simply laying himself down on the floor for me - for me to walk all over him.

I have been in that place and having spent the last 10 years of my life soul searching and healing the wounds, I realized that I don't want to be with a 'fixer upper' - Is that mean? I don't know - All I know is is that it takes a concerted effort to turn around and look at the many facets of yourself and heal those that need healing.

So in the movie - and sorry to keep going back to that - she picks a word - her word - it is not what she does - but that which describes her - "Attraversiamo" meaning "Let's cross over". After giving it some thought - I found my word - my word is 'trust' and over time I will explain why - namely why I have had such a hard time in my life discerning that which is my gut and that which is my heart and which is talking to me when.

When you lose the ability to trust your own feelings at a very young age - navigating life is a very difficult task.

So perhaps with that I will sign off for this evening and find my starting point for the next time I write.

Oh and I should add that Snatam's concert was amazing - she has such an amazing presence - she is indeed pure - it was not what I had expected and to see the audience chanting and dancing did make me giggle on the inside - but hey - they were having the most awesome time :)