Meltdown

Wow - what a week this has been - I think I hit my very first 2011 'rock bottom' this week and had a meltdown while chatting to my friend on Skype. Ever get to the stage where you really really wonder what it's all about? I have my 40th birthday looming this summer and while I am all over content and happy with where I am at, there is still so much that I want to accomplish. The last 40 years have gone at warp speed and like someone said to me once 'I am never going to be younger than I am at this very moment in time, so that's right now' - scary and true. And the panic that comes over me when I realize that although my wisdom and spirituality will flourish with time, my 'physical' is at it's prime and there really is only one way to go now - Oh gosh, doesn't the ego just suck???? :)

The meditation that I have been doing for the last 2 weeks from Maxima May has been transforming and all in line with the coming of Spring - it's amazing to again see the small green buds on the trees outside my window. Makes me smile.

Things are improving too on the job front - I had a number of interesting calls last week and it really is only a matter of time now before something drops - and then back on the treadmill we go.

Ever felt like you have been standing in your own way? Your own worst enemy so to speak? I realized that too this week - I had put the 'Slovenian Experience' and him on a pedestal - making it impossible for anyone to reach something that simply wasn't real in the first place. I had completely shut down and was paying homage to the past and had given up on the one thing that was so important to me once upon a time - LOVE.

So let's continue with the tale of the Slovenian - although I will need to read my previous posting and see where I had left off.