Two days now and I have been toying with the idea of moving to Toronto. There is a lot more work there and with it being a financial hub, I would be able to pick up a contract in no time. But you know how it is, as the thing played out with K just a few days ago - the upping sticks and leaving just seems like a really big deal. The apartment, the car, the clothes, the stuff, the books - the possibility of leaving it all here and putting it into storage but then you get there and have nothing besides what you squeeze into one 20kg suitcase. Finding a new place - hoping the area is safe and convenient and that you don't have nutters for neighbours. It is so much easier to just wait it out here knowing that something will come up at some point. The fact that I have resigned myself to the wait makes my ego very uneasy too - the panic has subsided and I have just surrendered to the process - enjoying the time instead of beating myself up. Where would be the point in that? I have learnt to be content with a lot less than I thought I needed.
However, with my 40th looming - not so long to go - I have spotted a Louis Vuitton purse that is just adorable and which woman at 40 doesn't deserve a treat? :) But with it being the price of a flight to the Bahamas, a week in Mexico or a month's rent - I may have to re-think :)
Just have to wait until all my ducks are in a row! :)
I jest with the title, however something that happened during those days before I left Australia for the UK still gives me shudders.
It was mid-afternoon and I was sitting on one of the benches in Hyde Park - I was pleading with the universe to help me - give me a sign - anything that would ease the discomfort in my heart over the Slovenian. Being of Indian descent, I thought that it would be of great comfort to me to find a temple in the Downtown core somewhere and just as I had that thought, an Indian guy walked in front of me. He looked at me and I asked him if he knew where the local temple was. He was heavily accented and said that I was to follow him.
Now let me just get this straight in my head - a STRANGER that I have just met in the middle of a park in Sydney has asked that I follow him - And get this straight - what did I do? I followed him. YES - you hear right!!!!
We weaved in and out - on streets - on pavements in a residential area - built up houses and quiet - very quiet. It still hadn't occurred to me to put two and two together and get the **** out of there and head back. Head back? I didn't even know how to get back.
This weirdo said that we would go back to his place and have some tea and then he would take me to the temple - it was not much further. It was there - definitely there in my gut as we walked up the steps to his building - the doubt and the awareness of the sheer stupidity of what I was doing - but my fear of offending him far outweighed my own safety. What the BLEEP!!!!!!
So in we went - into his barren apartment - pictures of his family on the wall - in fact we walked through the kitchen first and then on into the lounge where there was a mattress on the floor. I don't need to tell you where I sat - YES - you got it - on the corner of the mattress which was on the floor - not even a bed post - just this skanky mattress on the floor - could it have been more seedy. Sitting on the corner there I knew that this was not where I should be. It felt WRONG. He had said that he was boiling some milk for tea 'Awwww' I thought - 'how sweet' - he came and sat right next to me and I felt that he was hitting on me - his energy was definitely predatory and I was getting the instinctive signal to 'get the hell out of there'.
Minutes passed - in fact - a lot of minutes passed and I thought, what the **** has happened to that milk - it must be at least half an hour by now. I asked him too - he got up and went to the kitchen - not realizing that I was behind him and that was when I saw the ****er turn the dial on the cooker - he hadn't even out the hob on - the sly ***tard!!!!!
Did I need any more signs????? Okay this time I knew I had to get out - got my bag and told him that I was leaving. I ran out of the door - with that maniac hurling insults after me as I ran down the stairs.
I prayed as hard as I could for a cab - I had no idea where I was AT ALL - and would you believe it - one drove past me right there and then and stopped at the bottom of the street - I have not embellished one iota. I ran to grab it and found my way home.
This stands out as one of the most stupid things I have ever done - it still pops in my head from time to time - the fortuity of having that cab drive by me when it did - the fact that I even went into some strangers home in the first place - not a soul in the world apart from he and I knew that I was there.
Can you even begin to imagine how this tale could have played out?!?
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