Have you ever been so nervous in an interview that you just talk for the sake of talking and even though you know you should stop, you just can't seem to? Well that is what happened to me yesterday - I felt like I had stepped into my own personal hell. Two hours of a gruelling barrage of questions that left me feeling utterly deflated and wanting to top myself. And then you know how it is right, you play the whole reel back in your head over and over and wonder why you said what you did and why you didn't think of the most suitable answer which of course you do actually know? I literally stopped myself in mid-flow and told them that I knew I was digging a hole for myself - in fact why not take a leap into it when done digging! I laugh now but honestly, I wish I had taped the whole event - every cringe-tastic thing NOT TO DO!!!!! And I am a recruiter!!!!
I started a cleanse on Saturday and I swear that those things bring every single emotion that has remained unreleased up to that point, right to the surface where is just swills around like the froth on a cappuccino until I literally explode - either in a fit of rage where I want to pluck leaves off my plant or where I just want to curl up in the corner of my closet, cry and hide forever. I find myself just standing in the shower staring at the tiles wondering how I got here.
Sometimes I stand there in the flow of water swaying from side to side like a pendulum in my own private version of water hypnosis.
And then to be woken up this morning to a massacre on the street outside. My tree - and I say my tree because it may as well be my tree was being chopped to shreds. To me she is like a Nature Goddess, it may sound nuts but over the years and especially at times when I have been at home for extended periods like this, I see how the branches and leaves have created a face - and then the rest of the branches and leaves that spread down toward the floor are like her dress. Of course she is naked in the winter, but watching those little buds come up in the spring and to see her flourish in her green couture is just so magical.
However, today I had to watch 3 monsters taking a chain saw to my tree and lobbing off branch after branch after branch - in and out of the branches they weaved with their serated knives - would it be naiive of us to assume that this creature of nature felt nothing? We've all seen the trees in the Lord of the Rings right? They have a spirit. This went on for 4 hours in total - and then the branches were fed into a machine that threw out a torrent of sawdust. It was heart wrenching to see how much of my tree just fit into a 10 foot square cubic box.
Think I'm crazy? Well one of my friends pointed out that maybe it means something - and you know what hand on my heart - she does look better - almost like she has gone from a floor length gown to a shorter mini-skirt version - that is making her look a lot more sassy. So I'm glad the monsters didn't fall and hurt themselves :)
Awwww - it's been a crazy week on the guy front too - I kid you not, the action starts when the sun comes out in this city. I actually went to a local park for a walk in nature at the weekend with the 'little guy' - I feel awful for calling him that but as this is what I used as reference to him in my last posting, I will continue to do so to avoid any confusion. It was not a date and I had made that very clear to him - I had googled his name to make sure that he was not on the list of 'America's Most Wanted' and set up a time to meet up. To my absolute surprise, the park is the most beautiful spot - it is honest to goodness like being in a Fairy Land - huge expanses of green grass, with waterfalls and pretty little flowers and at such a height that you can see the snow capped mountains in the distance. There were lots of weird and wonderful little birds there too and then we saw hundreds of kids that had just graduated milling around, getting ready for prom night. It was like being at a beauty pageant with girls walking around in dresses of every colour and style imaginable - really quite lovely - all a little bit Cinderella :)
That same day, guy number 2 called me - Hamptons Guy - so I was a bit of a cow actually - I pretended like I didn't recognize the number - well, I wasn't interested and hadn't liked the way he felt the need to put Little Guy down to elevate himself. There were long drawn out silences which I flat out refused to fill in like I normally do - he could not carry through with a fruitful conversation. Slagged Little Guy off again so I had to stop him in his tracks this time and highlight that we (Little Guy and I) had just come back from the park and that he had helped me immensely with my pending interview. Okay, I know I could have been nicer to him - but something about him just really rattled my cage. So after another 30 second stint of nothingness, I said that I had to go.
And then - get this - 6 months.........................................................OMG OMG OMG - hold on - I can't breathe - the company who I met with yesterday has just sent me an email - gotta run - be back in a bit :)
No comments:
Post a Comment