Yes - you've guessed it, I fell victim to the Vancouver nightlife again on Saturday night :)
But first, although there has been movement on the job front, I have still not managed to secure a position where the interviewer can actually show me a room with a window or look me in the eye as she is interviewing me. I was totally sold on Role 1 until she showed me the 4 walled room that looked like a prison cell, illuminated by 100 flourescent light bulbs and not a wall painting in site. After having watched a few episodes of 'Locked Up - Raw', I could not see how this would differ from what those prisoners go through - in fact even they get natural light. It was horrid - she must have seen the shock in my face as she took me around the floor - I could literally feel the shackles taking hold of my ankles. I could not get out of there fast enough.
Then the second interview for Role 2 was worse - she was 15 minutes late without an apology - she didn't have a copy of my resume to hand - told me it was an inside sales role for which I would have to make 100 calls a day and then proceeded to ask me shallow questions about my career to date that she was reading from her computer screen. Not once did she engage in 'present' communication where she looked me in the eye and was enagaged. After 20 minutes, I just looked at her and said that it was not the right role for me - in other words - let's cut this short and not waste each others time any longer. Mortified!!!! It's no wonder recruiters get a bad rap!!!!
So we girls ventured out on Saturday night - I may have mentioned already that my friend is heading back to Colombia - so we headed out to her favourite spot. It is renowned for being a 'cougar's den' but you know what, it is always a fun night out and you get all walks of life in there from the married couples on a romantic dinner for two to the downright outrageous pensioners who are just trying to get their leg - in fact I'm sure you can guess what they're trying to do - oh and not forgetting medallion man - every Saturday night this spot has at least one medallion man! :) Just standing still on the spot, you are guaranteed to get hit on at least 10 times during the course of the evening. So we had dinner and then stepped across to what is commonly known as the snake pit.
Now I think about it, it's almost like that scene from 'Only Fools and Horses' - you know the one where Trigger is wearing that blue suit I think he and Delboy are both staring at the chicks in the bar - Del leans back at the bar unaware that the barman has lifted up the gate thing and he goes down like a domino - smack - hard on the floor :) Well to sum up, that's what some of the guys in there look like. Some are smoking hot, some are too cool for skool, some are barely 20, but everyone and I mean everyone is there for a good time - and almost all of them get up to dance when Michael Jackson is played on the juke box :)
So anyway - we went over to the snake pit and propped ourselves at the grand piano - seemed like a good a place as any - a great vantage point to see what was happening - guys moving in for the kill - dirty dancing on the dancefloor and then you always get those vulture types don't you that hang around the edge of the crowd and then make the move when the woman is suitably drunk and can't see the wood for the trees - yes oh yes, this is what it is like here in Vancouver too :)
I had to give kudos to this little guy that came up and spoke to me after trying to catch my attention on the dance floor - I say little because he hardly had a pick of meat on his bones - tiny little thing - but he made up for it with his personality. From Montreal and only in town a few weeks, he was ripe pickings and was there with his meetup.com group. He was still very much in awe of the place and only happy to get me a drink after I had managed to spill the second glass of red wine of the evening. I think I had the slipperties because I had asked the Archangels to stop me from drinking too much - asked them to give me a sign so that I wouldn't have to spend the whole on my Sunday horizontal and on my couch swearing off booze for the rest of my life. But did I take heed? Of course not! Down went the whiskey - yes whiskey and of course now I had turned into the 'polite but obnoxious little monster' that I can be after a few beverages. Woe betide anyone who tries to chat me up when I'm in that state. And I gotta tell you that for some reason when I'm like this, the English accent really does scare people off. I don't get it!?!
So once the little one had departed, guy 2 made his move after watching the whole sketch - 'Can't believe that you managed to keep a smile on your face the whole time that you were talking to him' - that was his opener. Why what does he think? That I am a complete a-hole? - "Well as a matter of fact 'Mr I wish I had a house in the Hamptons' I actually enjoyed his company". So on he went to bore me with the glad tidings of his bank account, how many houses he bought and sold, his failed marriage ana how he thinks he has funny eyes. Yep - all in all killer lines and of course I am seeing him again this week - NOT!!!!!!
It was 1am - bored and tired, I was ready to call it a night and go home - but my girlies ended up chatting to a couple of dudes who go there quite regularly - one of them used to play for NFL or something like that - so as you can imagine, he could have picked me up with one finger and put me in his mouth whole like Jaws. So it turned out that we were going to head Downtown with them and try and get into another hot spot where girls walk around with their LV bags - yes, I know I nearly became one of them :) - and douse themselves in Angel perfume so that you can't control the gag reflex as you pass one of them and get a whiff.
So I gave both of the dudes the chat - 'try anything funky and I kid you not, I will take you down!!' - not sure what I thought I would take them down with - but I was adamant :) Absolutely no funny business and absolutely no funny moves. So we got to the foot of the stairs and the guy that had caught my eye and I had caught his too, finally said something to me - now you talk???? Grrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!
So we got to the guy's car - not gonna lie - it was a nice car - BMW - convertible and yes you guessed it, I was now that person - you know the ones who are in the top down cars with the music blasting out of them for the whole neighbourhood to hear? - I was mortified. There were times when I kid you not he went from 0 to 100 kph in what seemed like 3 seconds and I thought I was gonna barf. But the real kicker - oh yes, the real kicker was - you must have seen it - Bridget Jones in the first movie when Hugh Grant (can't recall his name in the movie) takes her to the country and she loses the scarf wrapped around her head and her hair looks like candy floss by the time they get to the hotel - well that is what we all looked like - like the Munsters. Not an attractive look - have you every tried to run a comb through your hair after an event like that? Almost impossible.
It was a complete cattle market in there - Trixie, Dixie and Lixie were on the town and I don't mean us - it was wall to wall silicone and mini-skirts - not a decent lengthed skirt in site and the guys didn't know where to look. Like sardines in a can, we squeezed and shuffled to the bar - and managed to find a seat to sit down. I legged it to the washroom so that I could fix my hair and by the time I came back up, Mr NFL had hit some point of paranoia and had convinced himself that we as a group were talking about him. Coupled with what looked like a call girl with a fake Chanel clinging to the short guy's collar, I really did think it was time for me to go home. Okay, I fess up - I'm too old for all this $hit. I have more chance of getting asked by Bradley Cooper than I do of finding Mr Right in this kinda place - and what with the strap of my friend's shoe about to give way, we left. Left the madness and mayhem and caught a cab home.
All I could think about was McDonald's chips when I got home - but instead I had to console myself with a Quinoa concoction and finally fell asleep only to be woken by the birds and sunshine two hours later and a hand to my forehead as I was reminded of the drinks I had consumed. Not pretty :(
So there you have it - my weekend.
I am of course very much up to speed with Corr'rs and Eastenders and really must go now as 'The Bachelorette' is on and I have already missed 20 minutes of it.
I have attached the link for 'Only Fools and Horses' - the old ones really are the best :)
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