A bitter pill

So I took another rejection today - didn't get the contract position that I interviewed for last week. Funny that they brushed me off, bringing up the same point that I had already brought to their attention - being the distinct lack of experience that they need for the position - so I have to ask - why bring me in and put me through that?

I am spiralling out of control again with my emotions - feel like I am a prisoner in my own home - forcing myself to go outside for a walk - just so there is some element of 'normal' in my life. I am so completely lost - I honestly don't know what to do for the best - I even considered doing my yoga teacher training but I can't imagine that that will pay a decent wage once I am qualified - I'm almost sure that is better as an 'add-on' to something else in your spare time. My birthday is getting closer and closer and still no clarity about what to do on the big day - I am so terrified that it is going to be a complete gong show.

And all this negative thinking is not a good thing - at this rate, I may just create what I fear most.

I think that after a while, for me anyways, the zest in the interviews has gone - I have gone beyond the fakeness and eagerness to please - giving them what they want to hear because I have gotten to a point - I am not sure if it is beyond hope or just that I simply do not care anymore.

On the plus side, I did go to Matthew's sound healing session on Sunday - which was so so beautiful - he really is able to hold a good space and allow for some really deep meditative states - I just wish I could always be in that space - nothing else matters - absolutely nothing. There is no care of birthdays, jobs, what to cook, grocery shopping, the chaos of roadworks on the street below, my neighbour above me who drops things on the wooden floor boards at least 6 times a day - resulting in a minor shock to my system and then insists in dropping the toilet lid down hard and fast so that I jump even in my bed. There are times when I literally want to give him a taste of his own medicine.

You gotta laugh hey?!? :)

So my pleasure now comes from watching the 'Real Housewives of wherever', Eastenders and Coronation Street even though they have gotten a bit crap of late. Of late I hear you ask :)

What else is new? Not a lot really - had a guy cross the street to chat me up some weeks ago - wasn't interested and actually said to him 'are you about to hit on me as I'm walking up the street' - he was kinda gobsmacked - not sure if I have mentioned this in my blog already. Then walking home last week, he saw me again and I was at the pedestrian crossing this time - I saw him and pretended I hadn't and just legged it keeping my head down - and then I hear these whistles - cheeky git was whistling at me to get my attention - do I look like Lassie?????? Is it even mildly courteous to whistle at a chick in order to get her attention - I didn't even look back. And then yesterday I got collared again - this time he stopped me again to say 'hi' - roll of the eyes - nowhere for me to run this time - it's never the ones that you think 'phhhooooooaaaaarrrrrrrrrr wouldn't mind me a bit of that' is it????? :))

Okay - sorry but that's me - I'm going to bed - I have a face like a smacked a*** and I just feel like I am just spreading my feelings of woe in this blog posting - so I'm loving you and leaving you :)

YAYYYYYYY - Braveheart is on and it's my favourite bit at the beginning when he marries the girl from his village - music is so awesome - awwwwwwww :)