Stepford Moms

Somehow on Friday night, I landed in my own personal nightmare - or perhaps it just felt that way in the moment. And please do not misunderstand me, I have nothing against newborns, new moms or those 'Stepford Homes' in the suburbs with the minimalist look with no colour 'cept beige and flat screen tv's on the wall.

Let me begin first of all in the afternoon when I went to a well known retailer in search of baby clothes - a gift for the lovely new baby. It was the right thing to do - there is no way on earth that I could pitch up to someone's house empty handed. So I found the newborn section - in fact the sale rack in the newborn section and every single thing there up to the age of 12 months cost nothing less than $20 - I was completely gob smacked. It couldn't be true - how had this happened - how was it that mothers were dressing their little babies in miniature polyester, flammable materials? I saw a little pink skirt reduced down to $30 from $40 made from nylon and it reminded me of the ra-ra skirts I used to wear back in the 80's. I was flabbergasted - how do little ones actually feel with all these man made 'itchy' fibres next to their newborn skin? Gone are the days when you could buy a gorgeous terry towelling 'baby grow' for 2 pounds and 99 pence in a magnitude of colours :)

Anyway I ended up spending the guts of $35 on 2011 version of a 'baby grow' with snapper fasteners and 2 pairs of socks. No regrets at all - but I think that ordeal in itself terrified me - imagining the cost of having a baby!!!!!! And then the new fad of push prizes and LV baby bags - it's all gotten a bit silly hey.

Then a friend and I drove over the Lion's Gate bridge to get to the 'Stepford House' in question - now again, please don't get me wrong - it was situated in such a way that the back yard was surrounded by these awesome trees - the smell of the foliage was just lovely - and inside the house was immaculate to the point that you would think that no one lived there. No colour on the walls or in the furnishing - and again I understand that that is a personal style - just not mine - it just kinda freaked me out a little - and I bet they all had the same type of house - the same flat screen hanging from the wall - the same fittings in the kitchen - I even bet you the kitchen tops had been bought from the same supplier!!

The thing that really freaked me out was when I saw the women with the same style of wedding band and engagement ring on - and with babies born just days apart - and stories of how one milk is better than another - and how heavy the babies were at birth and the amount of 'get ups' during the night to feed the little thing. I was completely freaked out - and not a NANNY in sight!!!!!!!! OMG - what am I gonna do when it's my turn?

Am I gonna end up like one of 'those women' - one of 'those' moms - a 'Stepford Mom' who glows when she tells me how many weeks into her pregnancy she is and how the flow of milk had stopped after just a few weeks and  she is now having to resort to formula?

The answer is clear and I knew it as I pegged it out of the house - Of course I will!!!!!!!! :)

That will be me one day - knee deep in diapers, dark circles under my eyes - not having slept for days - but standing there in my glow in a group sharing stories eating chips and guacamole.

I think it must be some secret 'Universe Dust' that gets thrown over parents to stop them from heading to the funny farm and ensure that we forget all this craziness before we are in the family way again. I mean the calculation in the store alone had me totting up that to dress and diaper the said baby, would cost at least $100 a day - for a grand total of at least 18 years!!! Freaked out yet? :) 

Talking of mothers - I watched a movie today about John Lennon's childhood - I knew nothing about his life apart from his music - if you haven't seen it already, please check it out, 'Nowhere Boy'.

Okay guys - gonna have to wrap this up - 'Two and a Half  Men' is on - have to get the giggles in before Ashton comes in and spoils it :( Not much else happening - Oprah's shows have nearly drawn to a close forever, which means that she is showing the happiest, most memorable and saddest stories in her 25 reign - so you can pretty much count on me sitting here with a kleenex most afternoons - it's the end of an era.

I just got a call from a chap that I met with through work well over 18 months ago - knew he had the hots for me - but being in his mid to late 50's, hardly hubbie material - I nearly gipped in my mouth when he asked me out on a date - I mean WTF - it's never the ones you want is it????? :)