The Shocker Part Two

It wasn't too far into the evening that I was bursting to get the f**k outa there - I had come out in my lovely dress with my high heeled shoes - first night in ages and was getting the run down on someone's pregnancy - how now the baby is doing this and how now the baby is doing that - and don't get me wrong, I will never really understand why women behave that way until I am in those shoes too - but honestly - it would not have taken a rocket scientist to figure out that this was a 'Friday Night Out For The Girls'. After I had asked the typical questions about cost and the logistics and the selection process, I was ready to get on with my evening - so I suggested that we move on knowing full well that 'Mom to be' would not be in tow - thank goodness!!!!

We got a ride into Yaletown which is not too far from the Downtown core and I practically ran from the car to get away from the anxiety pot of madness. One pregnant woman and two women practically on the edge - now in wonderment and disbelief that this is what the World has in fact come to. Paying $900 for something that comes free on most weekends nights after a few drinks at a club!!!!! :) 

My friend and I both stood there in shock - SHOCK!!!!! Both of us looking inwards at our own lives - is that really how we were going to end up? Like that!!!!! Throwing in the towel and giving up the dream, the hope, the idyllic promise of romance and Prince Charming - cos that was what it came down to at the end of the day - she had given up on finding love  - she admitted it - the man - the family and chosen to do it alone - again do not get me wrong here - it is there very much in my plan if by 41 blah blah blah - but if that is the thought process that I begin to undertake right now - then low and behold that WILL be me in a years time with my legs up in stirrups with Sample X being inserted with the turkey baster - oh how clinical that picture already looks in my mind!!!

We both sat in shock drinking our white wine - each with our own view point and thought process - both of us coming to the conclusion that really we need to get out of Vancouver before it is too late - for real!!!!! Hand on heart - even with the back-up plan, for me there is an element of sadness to this whole artificial method - it would mean that in some way and somehow I had failed in a way that so many others seem to succeed - I say 'seem' - not really sure why - why does it look like something good versus something bad???? 


So we both went round and round drinking and thinking - we were out on the patio - watching the nightlife of Vancouver walk by and it is pretty easy to see why we are single you know - the chicks are all dressed up like something out of a Guess ad' and all the guys are just checking out the booties and t*ts of any chick that walks by - and trust me there is a lot of skin on show - and sadly - really sadly and much to my dismay - we ended up in the same bars on the same streets - with the same people - seven years on I am still seeing the same sad faces - drinking the same sad drinks - and I had an epiphany - that I really am happier on a Friday night at home with my feet up watching a good movie or Eastenders - eating some good food and getting an early night and not feeling like $hit the next day. Really!!!!! I wanted to run home as fast as I could - but we ended up venturing to another dump before I said I was truly over it. My friend took a cab and I walked home - the streets are very busy and extremely well lit so that is never a bother - and it wasn't late.

I have come to realize for me that Vancouver has a 'sell by date' - that after a few years if you are not engaged or wed, a drunk, chemically addicted or a workaholic, you move on - it's like I said to my friend that night, the mountains and the ocean are a beautiful sight - but they don't hug you when you need a hug - or cuddle up on the couch with you - or cook you dinner - or run you a candle lit bath or blah blah blah. I think my love affair with this place is almost at an end - and as I said to pregnant lady that night, I have loved it here, this city has nurtured me, mothered me, protected me and healed me - brought me back to life - it's just simply time now to move on to the next phase.

I know that I have said this before - not too many months ago in fact - I did just pull a 'Fairy' Card too and it said 'New Location' - it's been saying that for some time now and last night my 'Goddess' Card was 'Pele' - encouraging me to be honest with myself and realize my dream.

Hmmmm - my dream - now what would my dream be? Well you know if I really have to write this after all the months that we have shared - then I will write down what I say to myself out loud every morning in the shower - it is the only thing that stops me from spiralling out of control in the mornings as I ponder on some other silly little thing that happened at work - or something that someone said or did or didn't do.

It goes something like this:

I have an amazing partner - not only is he the finest man that I have ever met, he takes really good care of himself - and he respects himself - and has self-esteem - and because he feels all those things about himself, he is not afraid to open his heart and love, love me - and of course he is smoking hot!!! :) and the world doesn't have to agree on that score! :)  - we are co-creating a life together that far surpasses anything that we could have done alone. We go on amazing holidays together - we've been to Hawaii and the Maldives and Peru to name a few - and from each of those places, we have bought home a carving or a painting that is on the wall or on a shelf in our beautiful home. This beautiful home has a view of water, nothing too vast - perhaps a lake - and downstairs at the back of the house is a conservatory - and this is where I do my 'healing' work and consult with my clients. We have two beautiful children - the girl has pretty brown curls in her hair and is a little madam - and the boy, well he is the one that grabs my leg and hides behind me when he sees a stranger and both of them jump for joy when their Dad comes home from work. There is a suite to one side of the house - nothing huge but just private enough for my Parents to have a space of their own - they stay with me for months on end - and love that space - their own TV so Dad can watch the footie - Mom cooks in the adjoining kitchen - and my children are guaranteed the love and wisdom of their elders. My Brother and my Best Friend come to stay too from time to time - a home created in bliss and love. We are all in fine health - in a place of abundance, happiness and joy.

So that is the 'dream' I play out in the shower in the morning - I dare to dream - I dare to dream in a way that some have forgotten to do - or are too scared to do.

The Slovenian told me last time I spoke with him to have a 'plan b' - now that I've got me a back-up plan, I can carry on creating that which 'I know like I know like I know' - my 'plan a' :)

Laters Skaters - gotta run and get on my foam roller - my neck hurts and I think almost everyone was coughing and sneezing in that office today - maybe it was cos I sat in a wet skirt for 2 hours in the morning after getting caught in the rain - now don't get me started on the rain!!

Oh and if any of you fancy watching a romance - check out the new 2011 Jane Eyre - it's lovely and the lead guy - well he's as schlllleeeerppppyyyyyyyy as a Solero!!!! Michael Fassbender - I bet he got ripped on loads by the kids at school with a name like that - but he's scrumptious!