The Fall

I think I know now why they call it the 'Fall' here in North America - it's cos you crash like a star from heaven when the sun stops shining - the cold sets in - you can see the blue tinge to your toes again as they beg you for socks - you need a blankie on your bed again - it's dark at 7pm - the trees look a little sad and droopy - 'Come Dine With Me' is back on TV again with the Canadian re-runs which are $hit compared to the UK version - your pretty little dresses and tops get pushed to the back of the closet and out come the darks again - with the little rain jacket - the big black umbrella - and crap Emmy awards that remind you that the Oscars and Christmas are just around the corner. And on top of that I am bored out of my brain!!!! I have read a little, done some of my body rolling exercises, went for a drive, done all my chores, watched a little of the Emmys - but then realized that 2 more hours of this $hit and I will be catatonic. So here I am writing and venting on my blog.

Oh my goodness, this turn of the season makes me soooooooo sad. Feels like a loss - a deep welling sadness that summer is gone - all those opportunities for I don't know what really - seems like the next few weeks are just a slip sliding slope to dark morning wake ups - followed by dark morning walks to work - with the dark evening walks back home - and all those amazing hopes that we have at the beginning of spring when the trees are full with their little buds are GONE!!!!! I hate it!! It sucks!!! :)

Honestly I have a face that could trip me up right now - we've had two days of rain now and that pitter patter that I hear on my bedroom window is a reminder of what's to come - frizzy hair - gum boots - fighting the wind with your brolley and this lovely berry tan that I have will be covered up until next spring when all of it will just have faded away. I don't get people who say that they love this time of year - I am so not one of those people. People are going into hibernation mode and you don't get asked out for drinks on the patio anymore - some of my friendships have kicked the kerb as I have already shared with you - and then oddly enough men that I haven't heard from since this time last year get in touch again - just looking for that 'cuddle in front of the fire partner'- not gonna be me!!!! Nice thought but if I wasn't desperate enough last year, the onset of my 41st year on this planet has not changed a thing.

Hope I haven't sent any of you into a tail spin and got you feeling depressed too - but some of you must share my feelings too - right? And on top of all that, there's nothing on TV - I absolutely cannot wait to get up and go to work tomorrow just for some human interaction.

Watched 'Due Date' last night which was so so so funny - although there was one bit that was really crude - a real ' euuuuuhhh' moment. Then I saw 'Blue Valentine' which was about a lovely relationship which eventually breaks down right before your eyes - very powerful acting and sad too. It's brutal to watch two people lose all that hope and magic that they once shared - happens every single day - if only we could be reminded of that which brought us together in the first place. And then I watched another crap movie with Jen A - sorry guys I know I have moaned about her before - but it really was a boring film with Adam Sandler - I just sat here wanting it to end so that I could go to bed - and yes, I could have gone before the end - but you know how it is when you just wanna forward a movie to the end to see what happens?!?

And as I shared another sentiment with my colleague earlier this week - no more bronzed bodies on the beach playing volleyball - I think that's the biggest kicker of all! :( That stretch of beach is always a guaranteed 'schlerrrppppp' moment - in fact more than just one. And oysters and a glass of white wine just don't taste the same when the sun don't shine.

So what else is new? Not a lot really to be fair - work is going well - busy and enjoying it. Haven't been out for a couple of weeks - maybe that explains my state of mind right now - I was just thinking how much fun it would be to be in a really nice, lively spot with some good dance music playing, and freinds all gathered having a laugh and dressed to impress - people just don't really do that here and there really aren't many lively spots to go to where you can meet new people. I don't know maybe it really is time for me to stop procrastinating and to move on from here - but hey, Toronto in the winter is no picnic - I've heard horror stories about how you have to have the electric running to your car all night just to make sure that your engine starts in the morning and doesn't completely freeze out on you.

So - even though I have complained for the last 20 minutes or so - I should share with you that I am actually in a really happy place - life is good and I am super content - I think I'm just having a moment - perhaps it's that dread of singledom just before the festive season that is kicking off all these maudlin feelings. I guess some how in some way, I hope every summer not be alone anymore and it's just come and gone again - and here I am - single!!!! Yes that's it - that's the real reason why I am feeling like this. Oh well - back to my Abraham Hicks and 'calling in the one' :)

Okay Y'all I'm gonna take my moany little ass off this couch and do one of my meditations while it's nice and quiet - bye!