You gotta be in it to win it!

So we didn't get to the purchase of the wicker table from Bangladesh did we?

Well so this is how that story began. One of my gifts for my birthday was a gorgeous necklace from a local fair trade store - in fact there are a few of them across North America - you go in the store and it's like being in Aladdin's cave - all these beautiful trinkets, a treasure trove really - necklaces, ear-rings in silver and gold and all the colours of the rainbow - coffee beans from various places, furniture, vases made from brass, vases made from glass - patterned vases and plain vases - just about anything cute and dinky that you can think of - in all shapes, sizes and colours.

Anyway, the necklace that she had bought me although gorgeous in the box just kinda got lost on my skin - I tend to wear more obvious pieces - in a whole array of colours - not all at one time of course. But I kinda knew when I looked at it that it wouldn't look right and she had kindly given me a gift receipt. So I went to the store that she had bought it from - hungover I must add - not hugely but still a little hungover. Which is sort of nice sometimes cos it means that I just go with the flow and stay away from the neurotic me :)

I had parked my car just around the corner - and in I went - I had already called the store so that they knew to expect me - and when I knew how much I had to spend, off I went to the jewelry aisle and started to browse - but of all the hundreds of dingly dangly things I could see, not one caught my eye. So I mooched around some more - when an absolutely gorgeous thing caught my eye - he was standing about 6 feet tall just behind the counter - with hair blowing in the breeze like in a Timotei ad' - I was so caught off guard that I lost my breath for a second - olive skin and pearly white teeth - obviously not from around these parts! :) Strapping figure of a man!!! :)

So in my 'caught off guardness' I carried on browsing and of course now wishing I hadn't just thrown on my skanky yoga bottoms cos now he would think I was one of 'those' chicks - and wishing I had fixed my hair - but thank goodness for the new lippie and the lovely new scarf I had on - nice deep pink colour :) I went over to the wicker table thingie-ma-jig that I had seen walking in and started to look a little closer. At $70 it was a bit more than I had intended to spend but I knew that it would look awesome in my place and work as a great place to store my blankets - so that was it - mind was made up. So I hauled it over to the counter and paid the difference - than Timotei guy opened his mouth and out came this beautiful South American accent and he asked if I needed help to my car - "of course I did" my brain shouted at me!!!! :) And he picked it up as if picking up a coke bottle and then I was able to register him in my mind - had a lovely spirit he did - all gentle and sweet - but deep and spiritual and of course this all made me very giddy.

Walking back to the car there was a little small talk - but for the life of me beyond a few comments on the weather, I couldn't think of single thing to say to him - I had lost my power of speech :) We walked the three or four minutes it took to get to the car - me a little brain dead - booze related I think and then I opened the door - in went my new wicker table - I said 'bye' and 'thanks' or was it the other way around and off he went. My Timotei man!!!!! :(

Then I did something that all un-hinged crazy chicks do - I cyber stalked him!!!!!! Found him on FB and drooled some more and tried to pluck up the courage to call him and ask him for a coffee.

I didn't - I was a complete coward - I was terrified of the rejection.

So a week went by - and then this weekend I looked down at my lovely new wicker table and thought "F*CK - there's a whopping great hole in the side of it" - and there really was a great big hole - in fact the size of a 50 pence piece - but as I touched the strand of wicker - it just bl**dy well fell away - and the hole just got bigger and bigger everytime I went near it.

I phoned my friend at home in the UK cos I had to thank her for her box full of birthday gifts - we'll get to that another time - and she knows exactly what I am like - a little OCD - and she asked me "is it going to bother you?" - "Of course it's going to bother me" was my reply - and so she said 'Well take it back then" - and then I told her about the cyber stalking and the guy - and of course as we girls always do - she said "maybe it's a sign" - A sign - a sign for me to get back into therapy - YES!!!!!!

So knowing that I couldn't keep this thing with a hole in it - I called the store and made arrangements with Mr Timotei to take it back - being well brave I was!!!! :) Heart pounding and he said he'd be back at 2pm so I could call in after that. So off I went - in my cutesy summer dress this time! :) And when I got to the store it was like a kia-ora ad' - with a band playing drums and pipes being played out at full volume and no-one in the front of the store but me with my wicker table and a group all standing round in a semi-circle, all staring at me as I entered. Caught off guard again, I totally clammed up - fell to pieces - grabbed the new wicker table - asked him if he needed to look at the receipt - which he did not - and then practically legged it out of the store!

All the way home I kicked myself - I should have asked him for his number or for a coffee or just something, anything to add to the conversation when he asked me how my day was going. But I didn't.

I got home with my new bl**dy wicker table which near took the glass out of the door downstairs with its' big heavy metal frame and just stared at it - f*cking thing!!!!! I now hated my new wicker table.

Then....................I took a deep breath in - picked up the phone - rang the number - asked to speak to Mr Timotei and when he picked up the phone, I said............................"Can I ask you something?", "Pardon me", "Can I ask you something?", "Yes, of course", "Are you single?", "Sorry I didn't catch you", "Are you single?", "No"....................."Okay then not to worry - bye then", he laughed a little, I did too and then he finished with a "bye" too. And that was the day that I finally after all this time, after a decade of being totally terrifed of love, threw caution to the wind, opened my heart to the max and put myself out there again - and you know what, IT FELT BL**DY BRILLIANT. So completely and utterly empowering. I had the courage to take that leap - it hadn't been around for a very long time.

Thank God for wicker tables and to whomever that was in Bangladesh who didn't secure the wicker weave!! :)